Can i not drive my cunt home
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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