I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
