Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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