so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Barsexuality is the new black.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
