Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
