You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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