im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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