Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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