Whod you bang
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
