What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
