Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
