i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
