you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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