Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
