I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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