he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
