I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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