hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
