Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
