No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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