3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
