Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
