We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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