my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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