he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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