My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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