i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
