Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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