Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
