And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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