he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
