Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
