yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
