I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
