thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
