I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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