Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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