She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
