I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
