no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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