Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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