I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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