The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
