So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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