I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
