Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
