I am in a vortex of obligation.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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