He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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