so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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