im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
