Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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