Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
