jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
