Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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