My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your penis caused this!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize