I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
