So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
