I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize