Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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