I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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