hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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