It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
