Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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