Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Mom said you looked used
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
