idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
