I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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