god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
