When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
