You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
