I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
